Hope for the Lonely Woman

Bible Text: Jeremiah 29:11
by Joyce Meyer.


Many women in today's world are lonely.  Even those who have others around them often say they are lonely.  The death of a spouse or another closed loved one can leave you lonely and confused as well as feeling abandoned.  However, your circumstances don't have to be quite so severe to put you into the category of loneliness. 

Perhaps you have moved to a new neighborhood in a new city, and have begun attending a new church, or have just stated a new job, and you just don't seem to fit in yet.  I know what it's like to be lonely. 

For years the devil convinced me that no one liked me.  I believed that, and I received what I believed.  I did not like myself, and so I believed that no one else could like me either.  Learning to like myself and to pray for favor has changed my life, and it will change yours.  Social  "poverty" is not part of our heritage from the Lord. 

Beware of being passive.  Don't just wait for someone to fall into your life before you are willing to have fellowship.  Find someone who is lonelier than you and be a blessing to them.  Giving always brings joy into your life.  Be friendly and pleasant and you'll attract others who are also friendly and pleasant to be around.

Many women feel that life is more painful than they can bear.  If that is true of you, I encourage you to remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.  John the Baptist, the closest person to Him, and the only one who really understood His ministry, had been violently murdered.  All of Jesus' friends had disappointed Him.  He had ministered to them for three years, and now He needed them to spend only one final hour with Him, and they hadn't been able to stay awake.

Luke 22:44 records that Jesus was under such intense pressure in His mind that His sweat became like great drops of blood.  I believe as you realize that Jesus does indeed know how you feel and has promised never to leave nor forsake you, that you will be strengthened to press on.

Things are always changing, and the way you feel right now will change with time.  Time has healing properties, and will eventually bring new direction to your life.  I also believe that lonely women can learn to enjoy being alone.

There is a major difference between being lonely and being alone.  There is also a difference in being alone and being bored.  There is no need for you to live a life of boredom.  There are far too many people who need help for anyone to be bored.  You may see yourself as a woman who can meet needs.  As you reach out to others, you will be sowing seed for your own loneliness to be overcome.

God has a good plan for your life.  " For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your outcome"  ( Jer 29:11). Be encouraged by thsi scripture.  Also choose to take some God-inspired action now.  This can be a new beginning for you!

The Strange Woman in Your Marriage

Proverbs 7:10, 23:27, 5:3, 6:24,
John 10:10

by  Kemi O.


Now, if you are not familiar with "The Strange Woman" in the book of Proverbs, you may begin to wonder what I mean by the  term "strange'" woman.  The word "strange" in the book of Proverbs means "foreign, alien, adulterous."  However, by scriptural description, the strange woman is a woman separated from God, a foreigner to His righteousness. She is also a destroyer, sent by the enemy to bring destruction to one's marriage once she is allowed in.  Her job just like her master, Satan is to steal, kill and destroy, the adulterous "strange" woman is ready at any time to steal the joy of your home and destroy not only the marriage, but also the "man" himself (his future, ambitions, dreams, happiness).  Proverbs 6:26, 7:5 

Many homes have been destroyed today by the activities of the strange woman, she is subtle and deceptive, telling the man what he wants to hear in order to draw him into her net.  The strange woman uses flattering speech, insincere praises with a wrong intention. Proverbs 2:16.    It is so depressing to see the alarming rate at which Christian homes are being destroyed or broken as a result of these agents of destruction and sometimes the damage done is so severe that the marriage ends up in a bitter divorce.  Over the years, I have witnessed quite a few marriages (Christian homes) broken and a once loving couple hating the sight of one another and what really saddens me even more is to see innocent children caught in the middle of such bitterness and hate. This is one main goal of the enemy to destroy the body of Christ by breaking up the home of a Christian.

Not so long ago, I counseled and prayed with a sister who had just moved to the area with her family and she confided in me concerning the state of her home.  She was in an unhappy marriage, her husband has been unfaithful to her throughout their 7 years of marriage and it had become so unbearable that She was at her wit's end and ready to call it quits.  I wont go into details about the marital issues but the culprits responsible were the strange women whom the husband had allowed into the marriage over the years.  They had tried couple's counseling with their pastor a few times but it never seem to work, he always went back to his habit. I began to ask myself "If I were in this sister's shoes, will i have stayed all these years and tolerated the infidelity? I tell you it will take the mighty hand of God and His grace to keep me in such an unhealthy situation and I believe it is that grace that has kept this sister holding on to God for change and trusting Him for her husband's deliverance all this time.  These are the only few times lately, I see a spouse, mostly the woman, attempting to hang in there as long as she can in order to save her marriage for her sake and that of her children.  Like i  told a close friend of mine some months ago, I will not tell any woman to leave her marriage, it is not my place to do so but I will only advise that if the marriage now gets to the point of physical harm/ abuse and your life and that of the children (if any) are being seriously threatened then no one needs to tell you before you pack your things and leave that situation immediately NOT the marriage, even if its for a little while until he gets the help he needs.  In addition, I will intercede on behalf of the sister and trust God to intervene and bring healing and peace into the home.


 Another case I witnessed years ago was that of a  sister (who was also the daughter of a well-known Pastor in the community). She and I were attending the same church at the time.  She was a sweet young woman, devoted to the Lord and she had gotten married to a supposed brother in the church, who appeared to be on fire for God.   Several months after a very big and well publicized marriage, the union was already in trouble and less than two years later, it ended up in divorce.  You would think that two young people who met in church and supposedly devoted to the work of God will have a wonderful solid marriage  but thanks to the deceitfulness of the man who allowed himself to be influenced by the strange woman, the marriage was dissolved barely before it could even begin.

Now, I believe with the help of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of reconciliation, any marriage can be restored.  Sometimes it may take the couple separating for a little (time apart)  while in order to seek help for this restoration and healing to take place.  I have seen it happen and also heard testimonies of women, both Christian and unbelievers alike whose marriages were restored this way.  In some cases, the marriage can not be saved due to either parties unwilling to make it work or they just believe so much damage has been done, its best to go their separate ways. 
 

In addition, prayers of protection over your home, prayers against the activities of the strange woman and agreement prayers between husband and wife can destroy the stronghold of the enemy over one's marriage.   Also, Christian couples should be willing to seek  professional or preferably biblical counseling and have a trusted person that the husband is accountable to.   Healing takes time and so the woman should be aware that it might take  a long time to begin to trust her husband again and feel secured in her marriage. Although, it will take a considerable amount of time, she will eventually get to that place of healing and forgiveness. While the healing process is taking place, she needs to focus on taking care of herself i.e physically and spiritually, and let God handle the rest. He is more than able and He who was there at the beginning will see the marriage through only if she has made up her mind to trust Him and commit her home and marriage into His hands. 

Daughters of Zion, I admonish you today to guard your homes jealously. Be vigilant and alert for the enemy is running around seeking whose marriage or home to destroy next and it will not be yours in Jesus name. Remember, the thief (satan), comes not, but for to steal, to kill, and to destroy: John 10:10.  Be prayerful always, the word of God says "pray without ceasing" ,  cover your homes regularly with the blood of Jesus and overall be the woman, God has called you to be in your home, " A virtuous woman" and the Lord will take care of your home and all that concerns you in Jesus name.

Communication with your Husband: Nine Biblical Principles - Part 2

Scripture Text :  James 3:8-10

By Martha Peace,

the author of " The Excellent Wife", A Biblical Perspective

5.  A WIFE MUST GIVE HER HUSBAND THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT WHEN IT COMES TO JUDGING HIS MOTIVES.

    Therefore, do not go on passing judgement before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God.


    We are not to make judgements about the "motives of men's hearts ( I Corinthians 4:5).  No matter how well you think you know someone else, only God can judge their motives.  It is presumption for one person to believe they know what another person is thinking or why they did what they did.  Sometimes people who pride themselves on their " discernment" are in reality presumptuously judging motives.  Often wives presumptuously judge their husbands and react based on what they think their husband is thinking.

  Perhaps you can think of a time when you overreacted to something your husband said or did and he was consequently baffled by your reaction.  You judged his motives if you said something like " You did that deliberately to upset!" or " You did that to get back at me for what your father did to you when you were a child!" Instead of judging his motive, give him the benefit of the doubt and place his action in the best possible light.  For example, "He did not realize how important that was to me." or "Perhaps he knows something that I do not know about these circumstances." You will have to wait until the Lord comes back and then He will rightly judge your husband's motives.

6.  A WIFE IS MORE LIKELY TO SIN IF HER WORDS ARE RASH.
      There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.                                                Proverbs 12:18

 Solomon likened rash speech to being like " ...the thrusts of a sword...."  (Proverbs 12:18).  In other words, rash words deeply wound the person receiving them.  They inflict pain.  They hurt the other person.  If you speak in a way so as to hurt the other person, you may have a desire to be in control.  A controlling person tends to communicate in vengeful ways.  Often your treats and "lashing back" are full of more meanness than the original offense.  Follow the example Peter wrote about of the Lord Jesus Christ who "while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously..." ( I Peter 2:23).  Our Lord entrusted Himself to God.  He did not fight back with evil.  Peter's point is that even while suffering an emotional battery from your husband, you are to look to the Lord Jesus Christ as your example.  Instead of wounding your husband, use your tongue to bring healing (Proverbs 12:18).



7. A WIFE IS MORE LIKELY TO BE HEARD IF HER SPEECH IS FORBEARING AND SWEET.
      By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks the bone.
                                                                                     Proverbs 25:15

     The wise in heart will be called discerning,And sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.                                                Proverbs 16:21


    Husbands are much more willing to consider their wives requests and even admonitions if they are given sweetly.  This is not fake " sugar-sweetness, " but genuine forbearance ("putting up with") and niceness.  In fact, it is difficult for most husbands not to give in to their wives' requests when there is sweetness of speech.  One word of caution, " sweetness of speech"  is not to be used as a manipulative  ploy for you to have your way, but it is a righteous  way for you to persuade  your husband to give you what you want.  The test of your motive  will be how you respond if you do not get your way.  Indeed, God is glorified by your righteous speech whether you get your way or not!

8.  AN EXCELLENT WIFE IS WISE AND KIND WHEN SHE TALKS TO HER HUSBAND.
       She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  
       
                                                                                           Proverbs 31:26

    A godly wife is wise and kind.  When she opens her mouth to speak, wisdom and kindness flow out .  Her wisdom comes from the word of God and her kindness from the Holy Spirit.  Her words are not rude, terse, harsh, or wounding, they are edifying  and helpful.  If you are to be wise and kind when you speak to your husband, speak your words in a soothing tone.  Proverbs 15:4 says, "a soothing tongue is a tree of life...
    Think about how you would like to be treated.  What if you are wrong?  What if you are sinning?  Do you want kindness or harshness, foolishness or wisdom?  Of course you want him to be kind and wise.  So, treat your husband like you would like to be treated (Matthew 7:12).

   Suppose your husband wanted to make a purchase that you consider to be foolish.   First, think about what you are going to say.  Next, say it in a soothing tone.  For instance, ( speak gently ) " Honey, I know you would like to have a fishing boat.  I would like you to have your boat, but i think it would be wiser to save the money to purchase it instead of borrowing the money from the bank." No matter what the issue is, when you talk to your husband, be wise in your words and kind in your tone.  That is how the Excellent Wife opens her mouth.

9.  A WIFE SHOULD PURIFY HER SPEECH UNTIL IT IS MORE AND MORE FLAWLESS
      The tongue of the righteous is as choice silver. The heart of the wicked is worth little.                                              
                                                                                    Proverbs 10:20

   Silver is rare, precious, treasured commodity.  So is a righteous tongue.  Just as the refiner purifies the silver time and time again to make it choice, a wife should purify your speech by practicing  over and over until you get it right ( 1 Timothy 4:7).  Think through what you should say, then practice it out loud ( alone). Concentrate on saying the words in a "soothing" tone of voice.  You may feel silly at first, but if you want to be godly you must be trained! The value of your godly tongue would truly be like "choice silver, "a precious commodity.

                          Conclusion

How you communicate is a reflection of your commitment to Christ.  Certainly, these are skills that need to be fine tuned.  Ask your husband to hold you accountable for how you speak and your tone of voice.  When you husband points your failures out to you, immediately reconsider how you should have communicated.  Tell him what you should have done and ask his forgiveness.  How important is this? 

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.... She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

                                Proverbs 31:10, 26