Showing posts with label christian single woman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christian single woman. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Trusting the Lord For Your Own godly Husband


Scripture Text : Genesis 2:18-25

by Kemi O.


     Often times, we are in a hurry to settle down, get married and then eventually end up marrying the wrong person.   We seem to have a number of reasons why we must find a suitable partner right away; over and over again, I have always heard these excuses; My biological clock is ticking, I am getting older,  for those of us who come from places like Nigeria, in West Africa,  there is immense pressure from parents and in laws to give them grand children, .... and the list goes on. We care a lot about what others say or think concerning our marital status, that we make hasty decisions that could lead eventually to pain and heartache, forgetting  the One who is in control of our lives, the One, who instituted marriage to begin with.   Beloved, just for clarification, each time I say "We",  I am referring mostly to my fellow Christian Women and not unbelievers.   A lot of times, believers, both men and women alike fail to seek the Lord regarding what His thoughts are concerning their life partners, they go ahead of Him out of desperation and it ends up costly them terribly.  

   Many single christian women today are looking unto the Lord for their own husbands yet they are not ready to wait upon Him.  They say a "5 minute" prayer and immediately expect their husbands to show up.  It does not work like that , anything good, anything of quality and anything of value will require preparation, you need to give God time to prepare you for that godly husband and also time for God to prepare him for you.   In Genesis 2, we can see here that when the Lord was ready to create or get a wife for Adam, He caused a deep sleep to fall upon him, we do not know how long it took but we do know the Lord carefully and wonderfully made Eve for Adam and presented her to him as his bride and life partner.  This was Adam's time of preparation and the Lord ensured that Adam did not interfere in the process of preparation.   We can also see that the Marriage was truly ordained by God for He made the union fruitful with children, they labored/toiled together, rejoiced and grieved together and were each other's companion to the end of their lives.

Any marriage not  designed by the Lord will find it difficult to stand at the end of the day.  If the foundation is faulty, eventually, that marriage will crumble and fall.   It does not matter if you are both believers, if you are not prepared spiritually, physically and mentally and most especially, if the Lord has not ordained the union to be, there will be problem in that home.   I remember some years ago,  the case of a sister, whom i knew quite well for she and her fiancé at  the time were both members of the same local assembly for a long time and after much influence from their parents and friends, they decided to start courting which eventually led to their getting married months later.  Unfortunately, barely one year into the marriage, the union began to crumble due to infidelity and physical abuse on the brother's  part and eventually the couple ended up getting divorced.  People were shocked, they remembered how elegant  the wedding ceremony was and how happy the couple seemed but unknown to them, the foundation was already shaky from the beginning.  Why, because no one ( including their parents)  sought the Lord on the matter, they by passed the Lord and trusted that they were doing the right thing since they were supposedly both believers and workers in the church.   Years later, the sister decided to open up to me and confessed that she was not completely in agreement of the union and that she was coerced into the marriage by her parents who were ministers of the church she attended.   Her heart belong to another brother, not of the same local assembly whom she believed God had ordained as her husband and had revealed to the both of them, but her parents were completely against the relationship because He was supposedly not their "type" for her.   They did everything in their power to tear them apart and succeeded.  How sad!  At times, even loved ones, especially parents can be a hindrance to God's divine plan for their children.

Now, let us look at some of the reasons why christian women rush into marriages that lead them to living unhappy lives:

1).  My Biological Clock is ticking:   This is probably  the most common excuse  women have marrying the wrong person.   Due to the fear of getting older and a decrease in potential suitors knocking on the door anymore, we tend to do whatever it takes to settle down and find a husband.  Some sisters have been so desperate for a husband that they even become a mistress  to a married man and allow the enemy to deceive them into believing that the man will leave his wife for her.  It is ungodly and immoral and yet, you find some sisters engaging in such acts.  Others even allow themselves to get carried away with the first man that pays them attention in months and claim he is a believer and the sister will now believe that it was her prayers that brought this "so called" brother to her only to realize that it was a big "lie" from the enemy, but unfortunately the damage has already been done.   There was the case of a single sister, who was faithful and commitment to the things of God.  She was a leader in her local church, God was really using her in the area of  Intercession  and she was also trusting the Lord for her own husband.  This sister was somewhere in her mid to late 30s'  and so she was very conscious of her marital status, always prayed concerning it, seeking counsel from her pastor and was also getting a lot of pressure from family members.   Some months later, she was formally introduced to a man, who claimed to be a believer and was now testifying about how God had blessed him materially and is currently looking to settle down in marriage at that point in his life.  The man began to show interest in the sister who initially rejected his advances and sought advise from her pastor who encouraged her to continue to pray and seek the Lord's will.  The pastor later told her that He doesn't believe this was her husband because God had revealed someone else to him as her husband and told the sister to be cautious of the "smooth talking brother".   The sister ignored the Pastor's advise and trusted her own intuition that this was the Lord's doing and she went ahead and accepted his marriage proposal.  She married him and was living comfortably, but over the course of the marriage, she knew no happiness, no peace, her prayer life  became non-existent, she hardly went to church anymore because the man started preventing her from going to church, she was unable to have any children for him and at the end of the day, she found out that his "so called" success was from selling and distributing illegal drugs .   What happened to this sister? She was desperate and instead of listening to the voice of the Lord and allowing Him to take control, she decided to tune God's voice out and follow her own way and it ended up bringing her deep pain and heartache.

2).  My friends and age mates are all married:  Sisters, do not model your life after the lives of your friends, that sister in the church, anyone at all,  or else you will end up getting disappointed.  Many at times, I have seen women, who rushed into marriage because they didn't want to be left out especially if they are in the same social network or status with their friends or mates.  When we hear stories of old school mates that are married with  3, 4 or 5 children living in beautiful homes, a wave of envy tends to set in leading a woman into taking  drastic actions that will eventually cost her.   I used to know a sister who was in her late 20s' at the time, who accepted a marriage proposal from a guy whom she met only after 2 weeks of dating him and although he appeared to be a nice person and he was actually good to her, the marriage eventually ended up in divorce a couple of years later.  After asking her later, what happened, she said, "oh we just were not compatible, he didn't like the things I was interested in " To her, he was too boring, only because he enjoyed staying home with his wife and not always at one social engagement or the other.  What was the use of getting married? at the of end of the day, she married  for the wrong reasons, to please others and to show everyone that she can also find a husband.  
 
3).  My parents and/or In-laws want grand children:   Many of us women are or have been victims of this type of pressure especially if you are from Africa or you marry a man from there.  According to the African culture,  once a woman enters into her matrimonial home/her husband's house, the project to start working on is making babies.   Forget honeymoon stage especially if you are "not so young" anymore i.e you got married in your 30s and up.   Out of desperation to give the folks grand babies, we try to please them by marrying whomever is available.   Beloved, there is nothing wrong with having children, after all,  the word of God says that " Children are a heritage from the Lord  and the fruit of the womb is His reward  Psalm 127:3, but let that decision be made in a union ordained by the Lord among the 3 people involved i.e  God,  the Man and the Wife.   It is the Lord, God who gives children and He does so at His own appointed time for the couple.  As much as we want to please our family, especially parents, we need to trust the Lord for our marriage, happiness and the perfect timing for us.



4). Many women, surprisingly even some Christian women marry men based on what they can get from them;  there is no love in such unions at least on the part of the women and God is not at the head of such homes.  Some of these reasons are for :

i).   Money/Material Wealth
ii).  Business purposes e.g (for Green card, permanent residency)
iii). Power, Influence
iv). Children (not interested in marriage, just looking for a "sperm donor")
v).  Family Obligation purposes ( this is where some arranged marriages situations come in).

Beloved, I just want to emphasize the importance of trusting the Lord for your own husband, do not let anyone chose him for you but allow God to do the choosing for He alone knows what is best for you. The man that God has ordained to be your husband is one the Lord has specifically chosen as the bone of your bones to fulfill His divine will for your life and you need to be in the right union, partnership for God's purpose to be fulfilled.  Regardless of what part of the world you may be residing, the Lord will organize your coming together, (meeting) at His appointed time for you.  He has been in the business of marriages since the beginning, whereby  He instituted and solemnized the first marriage and will continue to do so until our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ returns for His church.

In conclusion, I just want to encourage you today to forget about the mistakes made in the past or past disappointments/hurts and trust the Lord for your own godly husband today.  I know some of us have been through painful divorces and break ups in the past, but Sisters, I want you to know that today, you can start afresh with the Lord seeking His divine will for your life partner.  Spend quality time in prayer, fasting (if possible), praise and worship with the Lord and be like "Jacob"  who said in Genesis 32:26 " I will not let you go unless you bless me."  Beloved,  hold on to the Lord, your God today, He is the author and finisher of your faith and shall grant your heart's desire, perfecting all that concerns you.

Be Encouraged!!!!






Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Serving God as a Single Christian Woman

1 Corinthians 7:7-8,25-26:34
1 Peter 1:13-15
 by Kemi O.

In today's society, it has become even more challenging to serve the Lord faithfully as a believer who is single;for there is the overwhelming desire to fall into temptation more often than a married person.  Many of our youths, both men and women have backslided completely reverting back to the old nature due to extreme peer pressure, false teachings e.g New age , immorality, strong desire for worldly possessions etc.  On the other hand, there are those who have managed to resist the tactics of the enemy and have held on to their faith, living a life of obedience and holiness Psalm 119:9. 

Like many of you who knew the Lord before getting married and tried to commit to doing His work, I faced my own shares of temptations and adversities  as a single woman.  In the process, I found myself drifting away from the Lord as a result of getting caught up with worldly things and trying to fit in with the friends I hung out with.   One of those times which happen to be the very last time before the Lord now finally arrested me was while in college, I found myself enjoying the attention I was getting from guys and even the popular  girls (In crowd) on campus.   I enjoyed attending basketball games both home and away, house parties, clubs because that was the thing to do for entertainment while in school and you also tend to become popular with the so called " In-crowd."  On weekends, my friends and I went to the best spots in Atlanta, places where the likes of "Keith Sweat, Jermaine Dupri, Tupac Shakur( deceased), TLC, etc  attended back in the mid-1990s'.  It got to a point, the every weekend partying began to affect my relationship with the Lord as well as my studies.  I was keeping such a hectic wordly schedule while serving as an usher in the church, my conscience no longer bothered me after a while ; the enemy so much convinced me that I was still young and I had the rest of my life to serve God completely, why not have a little fun! afterall, you are not hurting anyone.  Eph 5:1-3 But oh yes, I definitely was! I was hurting myself and didnt realize it until a couple of years later when I was put on academic probation because my GPA fell below 2.0, I entered into an unhealthy relationship which almost ruined my life, and at the same time, my prayer life became almost non-existent. It was at that point I had to go to the Lord and cry out for mercy and I was restored by His grace.  The Lord began to transform my life by first of all weeding out those unhealthy relationships from my life, He gave me a new direction and with a bit of challenges here and there, I began to serve the Lord as best as I could, keeping my eyes fixed on Him and  allowing His Holy Spirit to guide me until I got married to my God-ordained husband and of course He is still guiding me today. 

Being single and serving the Lord definitely has its challenges but it is also very rewarding because as a single christian woman, after being restored, I was able to give my time without reservation and distractions to the work of God, serving in multiple areas in the church, attending conferences and seminars to help me in my christian walk. 1 Corinthians 7:34.  Through such gatherings, volunteering at homeless shelters, soup kitchens and of course my local assembly, I was able to meet wonderful sisters both single, and married committed to the work of God and we formed a friendship, having fellowship together and helping each other out in times of need e.g Babysitting, needing a ride etc.  So even as a single mother for example who wants to serve the Lord faithfully, your kids should not stop you from doing that. The Lord will always make a way as long as you are willing.

Whether you are a single or married woman, the ultimate goal is to do the will of the Father, fulfiling the purpose for which He has created you.  Regardless of your marital status, God desires us to do whatever will enable us serve Him the best.  1 Corinthians 7:35. He has given to us His sweet Holy Spirit to be our guide, teacher, companion, director on this christian journey so it is for us to hold fast and allow Him to lead us. 
1 Thess 4:8b, John 16:7,13 and remember we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Phil 4:13.

Dear Sisters, as a widow, divorcee, a single youth or you believe you are called to serve the Lord as Apostle Paul did, never getting married 1 Corinthians 7:7, I want you to know that it is a priviledge to serve the Lord in these last days without succumbing to the pressures of this perverse generation. Strive to commit all your ways to Him and He will surely direct your path. Psalm 37:5.  Let the Lord always be your guide, keep your eyes fixed on Him, never allowing Satan, the "tempter and destroyer" to gain a foothold in your life and I assure you the Lord will surely reward you because He is indeed a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. Heb 11:6b

Shalom.

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