Scripture Text : Genesis 2:18-25
by Kemi O.
Often times, we are in a hurry to settle down, get married and then eventually end up marrying the wrong person. We seem to have a number of reasons why we must find a suitable partner right away; over and over again, I have always heard these excuses; My biological clock is ticking, I am getting older, for those of us who come from places like Nigeria, in West Africa, there is immense pressure from parents and in laws to give them grand children, .... and the list goes on. We care a lot about what others say or think concerning our marital status, that we make hasty decisions that could lead eventually to pain and heartache, forgetting the One who is in control of our lives, the One, who instituted marriage to begin with. Beloved, just for clarification, each time I say "We", I am referring mostly to my fellow Christian Women and not unbelievers. A lot of times, believers, both men and women alike fail to seek the Lord regarding what His thoughts are concerning their life partners, they go ahead of Him out of desperation and it ends up costly them terribly.
Many single christian women today are looking unto the Lord for their own husbands yet they are not ready to wait upon Him. They say a "5 minute" prayer and immediately expect their husbands to show up. It does not work like that , anything good, anything of quality and anything of value will require preparation, you need to give God time to prepare you for that godly husband and also time for God to prepare him for you. In Genesis 2, we can see here that when the Lord was ready to create or get a wife for Adam, He caused a deep sleep to fall upon him, we do not know how long it took but we do know the Lord carefully and wonderfully made Eve for Adam and presented her to him as his bride and life partner. This was Adam's time of preparation and the Lord ensured that Adam did not interfere in the process of preparation. We can also see that the Marriage was truly ordained by God for He made the union fruitful with children, they labored/toiled together, rejoiced and grieved together and were each other's companion to the end of their lives.
Any marriage not designed by the Lord will find it difficult to stand at the end of the day. If the foundation is faulty, eventually, that marriage will crumble and fall. It does not matter if you are both believers, if you are not prepared spiritually, physically and mentally and most especially, if the Lord has not ordained the union to be, there will be problem in that home. I remember some years ago, the case of a sister, whom i knew quite well for she and her fiancé at the time were both members of the same local assembly for a long time and after much influence from their parents and friends, they decided to start courting which eventually led to their getting married months later. Unfortunately, barely one year into the marriage, the union began to crumble due to infidelity and physical abuse on the brother's part and eventually the couple ended up getting divorced. People were shocked, they remembered how elegant the wedding ceremony was and how happy the couple seemed but unknown to them, the foundation was already shaky from the beginning. Why, because no one ( including their parents) sought the Lord on the matter, they by passed the Lord and trusted that they were doing the right thing since they were supposedly both believers and workers in the church. Years later, the sister decided to open up to me and confessed that she was not completely in agreement of the union and that she was coerced into the marriage by her parents who were ministers of the church she attended. Her heart belong to another brother, not of the same local assembly whom she believed God had ordained as her husband and had revealed to the both of them, but her parents were completely against the relationship because He was supposedly not their "type" for her. They did everything in their power to tear them apart and succeeded. How sad! At times, even loved ones, especially parents can be a hindrance to God's divine plan for their children.
Now, let us look at some of the reasons why christian women rush into marriages that lead them to living unhappy lives:
1). My Biological Clock is ticking: This is probably the most common excuse women have marrying the wrong person. Due to the fear of getting older and a decrease in potential suitors knocking on the door anymore, we tend to do whatever it takes to settle down and find a husband. Some sisters have been so desperate for a husband that they even become a mistress to a married man and allow the enemy to deceive them into believing that the man will leave his wife for her. It is ungodly and immoral and yet, you find some sisters engaging in such acts. Others even allow themselves to get carried away with the first man that pays them attention in months and claim he is a believer and the sister will now believe that it was her prayers that brought this "so called" brother to her only to realize that it was a big "lie" from the enemy, but unfortunately the damage has already been done. There was the case of a single sister, who was faithful and commitment to the things of God. She was a leader in her local church, God was really using her in the area of Intercession and she was also trusting the Lord for her own husband. This sister was somewhere in her mid to late 30s' and so she was very conscious of her marital status, always prayed concerning it, seeking counsel from her pastor and was also getting a lot of pressure from family members. Some months later, she was formally introduced to a man, who claimed to be a believer and was now testifying about how God had blessed him materially and is currently looking to settle down in marriage at that point in his life. The man began to show interest in the sister who initially rejected his advances and sought advise from her pastor who encouraged her to continue to pray and seek the Lord's will. The pastor later told her that He doesn't believe this was her husband because God had revealed someone else to him as her husband and told the sister to be cautious of the "smooth talking brother". The sister ignored the Pastor's advise and trusted her own intuition that this was the Lord's doing and she went ahead and accepted his marriage proposal. She married him and was living comfortably, but over the course of the marriage, she knew no happiness, no peace, her prayer life became non-existent, she hardly went to church anymore because the man started preventing her from going to church, she was unable to have any children for him and at the end of the day, she found out that his "so called" success was from selling and distributing illegal drugs . What happened to this sister? She was desperate and instead of listening to the voice of the Lord and allowing Him to take control, she decided to tune God's voice out and follow her own way and it ended up bringing her deep pain and heartache.
2). My friends and age mates are all married: Sisters, do not model your life after the lives of your friends, that sister in the church, anyone at all, or else you will end up getting disappointed. Many at times, I have seen women, who rushed into marriage because they didn't want to be left out especially if they are in the same social network or status with their friends or mates. When we hear stories of old school mates that are married with 3, 4 or 5 children living in beautiful homes, a wave of envy tends to set in leading a woman into taking drastic actions that will eventually cost her. I used to know a sister who was in her late 20s' at the time, who accepted a marriage proposal from a guy whom she met only after 2 weeks of dating him and although he appeared to be a nice person and he was actually good to her, the marriage eventually ended up in divorce a couple of years later. After asking her later, what happened, she said, "oh we just were not compatible, he didn't like the things I was interested in " To her, he was too boring, only because he enjoyed staying home with his wife and not always at one social engagement or the other. What was the use of getting married? at the of end of the day, she married for the wrong reasons, to please others and to show everyone that she can also find a husband.
3). My parents and/or In-laws want grand children: Many of us women are or have been victims of this type of pressure especially if you are from Africa or you marry a man from there. According to the African culture, once a woman enters into her matrimonial home/her husband's house, the project to start working on is making babies. Forget honeymoon stage especially if you are "not so young" anymore i.e you got married in your 30s and up. Out of desperation to give the folks grand babies, we try to please them by marrying whomever is available. Beloved, there is nothing wrong with having children, after all, the word of God says that " Children are a heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward Psalm 127:3, but let that decision be made in a union ordained by the Lord among the 3 people involved i.e God, the Man and the Wife. It is the Lord, God who gives children and He does so at His own appointed time for the couple. As much as we want to please our family, especially parents, we need to trust the Lord for our marriage, happiness and the perfect timing for us.
4). Many women, surprisingly even some Christian women marry men based on what they can get from them; there is no love in such unions at least on the part of the women and God is not at the head of such homes. Some of these reasons are for :
i). Money/Material Wealth
ii). Business purposes e.g (for Green card, permanent residency)
iii). Power, Influence
iv). Children (not interested in marriage, just looking for a "sperm donor")
v). Family Obligation purposes ( this is where some arranged marriages situations come in).
Beloved, I just want to emphasize the importance of trusting the Lord for your own husband, do not let anyone chose him for you but allow God to do the choosing for He alone knows what is best for you. The man that God has ordained to be your husband is one the Lord has specifically chosen as the bone of your bones to fulfill His divine will for your life and you need to be in the right union, partnership for God's purpose to be fulfilled. Regardless of what part of the world you may be residing, the Lord will organize your coming together, (meeting) at His appointed time for you. He has been in the business of marriages since the beginning, whereby He instituted and solemnized the first marriage and will continue to do so until our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ returns for His church.
In conclusion, I just want to encourage you today to forget about the mistakes made in the past or past disappointments/hurts and trust the Lord for your own godly husband today. I know some of us have been through painful divorces and break ups in the past, but Sisters, I want you to know that today, you can start afresh with the Lord seeking His divine will for your life partner. Spend quality time in prayer, fasting (if possible), praise and worship with the Lord and be like "Jacob" who said in Genesis 32:26 " I will not let you go unless you bless me." Beloved, hold on to the Lord, your God today, He is the author and finisher of your faith and shall grant your heart's desire, perfecting all that concerns you.