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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Overcoming the pain of Adultery

Scripture Text:  Proverbs 6:23-33
 by  Kemi O.

It is very depressing and sad when you look around our world today and see so many marriages in turmoil. The most shocking of it all is that, it is very rampant today in the body of Christ i.e the church.
After reading books, watching the news, listening to loved ones and counseling a few, I have come to the conclusion that one of the greatest marriage destroyers of all time is " Adultery". It is not only a sin against God but it is a sin that causes so much emotional pain to the other parties involved (spouse and children).
If you look at the statistics today on the divorce rate, you will see that over 50% of the marriages that end up in divorce is as a result of infidelity/adultery.
By the way, what do we mean by Adultery? Adultery by the dictionary definition is extra marital sex that willfully and maliciously interferes with marital relations. Some people confuse adultery with fornication because they are both transgressions before God. The difference between fornication and adultery is that fornication is the act of having pre-marital sex with another unmarried person so it usually pertains to someone who is single, however adultery pertains to sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse.
The sin of Adultery is a disastrous reality that has existed and afflicted mankind since the beginning of time. For believers, one of the most well known accounts of adultery recorded in scripture is revealed in the story of King David and his affair with Bathsheba. 2 Sam 11:2-27. Although King David actively pursued Bathsheba, the strange woman in his home, some respected and annointed men of God like King David have fallen victim to the beauty and flattery tongue of the strange woman Prov 6:24-25. And as a result, the annointing of God in their lives was destroyed and sometimes their homes, and in such cases it will take the divine intervention of the Holy Spirit to restore them. There was an incident in the church I was attending a few years ago where a man of God whom I so much respected had been having affairs with the women in the church. He was quite a handsome preacher and 90% of his congregation were women but I just saw the annointing of God on his life and how the Lord was using him mightily. It never occurred to me that such a thing would happen to him and as a result of his succumbing to the flesh, his ministry suffered a terrible blow, marriages were destroyed, for a couple of women he was sleeping with also happen to be married. It was a very unfortunate incident and so brethren, this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed in the church today. We are an adulterous generation.
When adultery taints the purity of the marriage covenant, the road to reconciliation is usually quite difficult especially for the spouse who has been betrayed.
Sadly to say, many christians have skipped the reconciliation process because they find it difficult to forgive their cheating spouses. Decisions of separation and divorce is therefore made in haste out of pain and anger. Can you really blame them? However, we should ask ourselves will this be God’s will for me if I do this? Many have used the famous words of Jesus Christ in Matt 19:9 to justify their decision for divorce but if everyone who has been through the pain of adultery decide to obtain a divorce, how many marriages will truly remain standing? There has to be room for forgiveness. the same scriptures tells us to forgive those who have trespassed against us and also that God hates putting away i.e divorce Mal 2:16. As painful as the betrayal is, an effort at saving the marriage should be made especially a christian union that has been ordained and blessed with children. God’s thoughts towards us are good and not of evil to give us an expected end ( future). Divorce was never in God’s plan for man and therefore it is evil, it is the work and plan of the enemy to destroy marriages especially christian marriages. His only job is to kill, to steal and to destroy, John 10:10.
It pleases the Lord to see the Man and the Woman reconcile because it also causes them to be reconciled back to God as a family. He assures us that he will be with us always even in times of trouble.
Having said all this, we know that rebuilding a relationship is definitely not an easy task for it will take both time and effort on both sides to make it happen. Above all, it will take the grace of God to bring harmony back into the home again.
The first step to rebuilding the marriage is for the adulterer to be willing to repent. he/she must genuinely confess their sins and repent.
The betrayed spouse(victim) must be willing to forgive in order for the healing process to begin.
Couple should seek biblical counseling immediately for it helps both parties to understand why it happened and how to avoid it from happening again.
In addition to counseling, the couple should spend time in prayer seeking God’s face and asking for his grace and power to get them through the tough times.
- The adulterous spouse should be accountable to someone in order for that trust to be rebuilt. Mostly likely he needs to be accountable to his spouse, pastor or counselor.
Based on my own experience of a failed relationship, I would also say that in addition to seeking counseling, talking to a close friend or loved one also helps the healing process.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very helpful article. thank you.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this article..its been quite helpful.

Trina B.
Boston, MA

Anonymous said...

Thank you..I am being blessed by this article.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Sister... You are truly an inspiration.

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