Scripture Text: James 3:8-10
Have you ever said something and immediately regretted it? All of us understand what James is talking about when he wrote, "But no one can tame the tongue...from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way" (James 3:8-10). What we say and how we say it can hurt others. Words can crush and pierce people. Some wounds may never heal. In marriages, husbands and wives have the potential to hurt each other deeply by the words they say. Often, couples communicate in unbiblical, ungodly ways. Instead of love and kindness there is strife, anger, and malice. Instead of wisdom, there is foolishness. Instead of careful words, there are careless words. Again let me express what is on my heart for all of us with what James said" My brethren, these things ought not to be this way" (James 3:10).
An excellent wife, a godly wife must communicate rightly to her husband if she is going to love, respect, and submit to him as God desires. In order to accomplish this purpose, I decided to address nine biblical principles regarding a wife's communication to her husband.
1. A WIFE'S WRONG WORDS BEGIN WITH WRONG THOUGHTS AND MOTIVES.
" For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornication, thefts, false witness, slanders. These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.
Matthew 15: 19-20
" Heart" in Scripture includes a person's thoughts, choices or motives. Your "heart" is not some emotional part of you that you have no control over. What you think about is a choice that you make. The Lord Jesus made the connection clear between what you think and what you speak. "For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart" ( Matthew 12:34). Wrong words do begin with wrong thoughts. If you are saying wrong words, take the time to realize what you are thinking. The Lord Jesus' standard of holiness is not just outward conformity but inward transformation by what you think. Renew your mind with Scripture and change your heart.
You renew your mind with Scripture by meditating on Scripture appropriate to the areas of communication you need to improve. Biblical meditation includes reading the specific Scripture over and over and thinking of ways that you can personally apply it. For example, if you tend to be impatient towards your husband and "snap" at him, meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4. " Love is patient." Think of ways that you could respond patiently given the same or similar circumstance. For instance, your husband takes a long time to tell you about an incident at work and you wish he could hurry up. Think "Love is patient. I can show love to him by patiently listening until he is finished." Then, express by your words an interest in his story. If you do, your right words will have begun with right thoughts.
2. A WIFE IS ACCOUNTABLE TO GOD FOR EVERY WORD SHE SPEAKS
"And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgement.
Matthew 12:36-37
God is omniscient. He knows everything and will not forget anything He desires for us to be holy all the time not just on Sunday mornings. This is a sobering thought when we consider many "careless" words we probably do speak. Careless words are "idle, lazy, and useless." They remind me of the old expression, "Some people talk just to hear themselves talk." As a Christian you are to take care with your words. As a wife you are to take extra special care if you are going to demonstrate love, respect, and submission to your husband as God desires. Realize that God is aware of what you say. Therefore, you are accountable to Him for your every word.
3. A WIFE IS TO SPEAK THE TRUTH TO HER HUSBAND, BUT SPEAK IT IN LOVE.
....but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects unto Him, who is the head, even Christ.... Ephesians 4:15
Speaking the truth is not always easy. In fact, it may be agonizing. Sometimes you may have to tell your husband unpleasant truths. Sometimes it is easier to be deceptive or just avoid issues. However, in a patient, kind an loving manner, you can tell your husband what he biblically needs to hear. For instance, imagine that you notice your husband being overly critical of someone else. it might be more pleasant to just discreetly change the subject, but Jesus said, "If your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother" (Matthew 18:15). If you have been reluctant to tell your husband the truth- speak the truth, but do it in love.
4. A WIFE MUST "PUT OFF" ANY WRONG SPEECH.
But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Colossians 3:8
Wrong speech is clearly defined in Colossians chapter three. Anger and wrath are varying kinds of anger. Anger can express itself in extremes from a slight edge in your voice to screaming, cursing, and full blown wrath. Malice is meanness, desiring ill towards the other person. Slander is painting another person in a bad light. Abusive speech refers to " obscene and derogatory speech intended to hurt and wound someone."
Sometimes a wife is tempted to use angry, abusive, or even malicious words during emotional days just before her menstruation begins. Even though control is harder during that time, with God all things are possible ( I Corinthians 10:13). Work extra hard to think about what you are going to say and to say what is right in spite of how you feel. Any kind of wrong speech is sin. Begin by confessing to God each and every time you speak in a wrong manner. End by replacing those wrong words with the truth spoken in love. Then you will have laid the wrong speech aside.
By
Martha Peace,
the author of " The Excellent Wife, A Biblical Perspective
By Martha Peace,
the author of " The Excellent Wife", A Biblical Perspective
Have you ever said something and immediately regretted it? All of us understand what James is talking about when he wrote, "But no one can tame the tongue...from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way" (James 3:8-10). What we say and how we say it can hurt others. Words can crush and pierce people. Some wounds may never heal. In marriages, husbands and wives have the potential to hurt each other deeply by the words they say. Often, couples communicate in unbiblical, ungodly ways. Instead of love and kindness there is strife, anger, and malice. Instead of wisdom, there is foolishness. Instead of careful words, there are careless words. Again let me express what is on my heart for all of us with what James said" My brethren, these things ought not to be this way" (James 3:10).
An excellent wife, a godly wife must communicate rightly to her husband if she is going to love, respect, and submit to him as God desires. In order to accomplish this purpose, I decided to address nine biblical principles regarding a wife's communication to her husband.
1. A WIFE'S WRONG WORDS BEGIN WITH WRONG THOUGHTS AND MOTIVES.
" For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornication, thefts, false witness, slanders. These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.
Matthew 15: 19-20
" Heart" in Scripture includes a person's thoughts, choices or motives. Your "heart" is not some emotional part of you that you have no control over. What you think about is a choice that you make. The Lord Jesus made the connection clear between what you think and what you speak. "For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart" ( Matthew 12:34). Wrong words do begin with wrong thoughts. If you are saying wrong words, take the time to realize what you are thinking. The Lord Jesus' standard of holiness is not just outward conformity but inward transformation by what you think. Renew your mind with Scripture and change your heart.
You renew your mind with Scripture by meditating on Scripture appropriate to the areas of communication you need to improve. Biblical meditation includes reading the specific Scripture over and over and thinking of ways that you can personally apply it. For example, if you tend to be impatient towards your husband and "snap" at him, meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4. " Love is patient." Think of ways that you could respond patiently given the same or similar circumstance. For instance, your husband takes a long time to tell you about an incident at work and you wish he could hurry up. Think "Love is patient. I can show love to him by patiently listening until he is finished." Then, express by your words an interest in his story. If you do, your right words will have begun with right thoughts.
2. A WIFE IS ACCOUNTABLE TO GOD FOR EVERY WORD SHE SPEAKS
"And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgement.
Matthew 12:36-37
God is omniscient. He knows everything and will not forget anything He desires for us to be holy all the time not just on Sunday mornings. This is a sobering thought when we consider many "careless" words we probably do speak. Careless words are "idle, lazy, and useless." They remind me of the old expression, "Some people talk just to hear themselves talk." As a Christian you are to take care with your words. As a wife you are to take extra special care if you are going to demonstrate love, respect, and submission to your husband as God desires. Realize that God is aware of what you say. Therefore, you are accountable to Him for your every word.
3. A WIFE IS TO SPEAK THE TRUTH TO HER HUSBAND, BUT SPEAK IT IN LOVE.
....but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects unto Him, who is the head, even Christ.... Ephesians 4:15
Speaking the truth is not always easy. In fact, it may be agonizing. Sometimes you may have to tell your husband unpleasant truths. Sometimes it is easier to be deceptive or just avoid issues. However, in a patient, kind an loving manner, you can tell your husband what he biblically needs to hear. For instance, imagine that you notice your husband being overly critical of someone else. it might be more pleasant to just discreetly change the subject, but Jesus said, "If your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother" (Matthew 18:15). If you have been reluctant to tell your husband the truth- speak the truth, but do it in love.
4. A WIFE MUST "PUT OFF" ANY WRONG SPEECH.
But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Colossians 3:8
Wrong speech is clearly defined in Colossians chapter three. Anger and wrath are varying kinds of anger. Anger can express itself in extremes from a slight edge in your voice to screaming, cursing, and full blown wrath. Malice is meanness, desiring ill towards the other person. Slander is painting another person in a bad light. Abusive speech refers to " obscene and derogatory speech intended to hurt and wound someone."
Sometimes a wife is tempted to use angry, abusive, or even malicious words during emotional days just before her menstruation begins. Even though control is harder during that time, with God all things are possible ( I Corinthians 10:13). Work extra hard to think about what you are going to say and to say what is right in spite of how you feel. Any kind of wrong speech is sin. Begin by confessing to God each and every time you speak in a wrong manner. End by replacing those wrong words with the truth spoken in love. Then you will have laid the wrong speech aside.
By
Martha Peace,
the author of " The Excellent Wife, A Biblical Perspective
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