Overcoming the pain of Adultery

Scripture Text:  Proverbs 6:23-33
 by  Kemi O.

It is very depressing and sad when you look around our world today and see so many marriages in turmoil. The most shocking of it all is that, it is very rampant today in the body of Christ i.e the church.

After reading books, watching the news, listening to loved ones and counseling a few, I have come to the conclusion that one of the greatest marriage destroyers of all time is " Adultery". It is not only a sin against God but it is a sin that causes so much emotional pain to the other parties involved (spouse and children).

If you look at the statistics today on the divorce rate, you will see that over 50% of the marriages that end up in divorce is as a result of infidelity/adultery.

By the way, what do we mean by Adultery? Adultery by the dictionary definition is extra marital sex that willfully and maliciously interferes with marital relations. Some people confuse adultery with fornication because they are both transgressions before God. The difference between fornication and adultery is that fornication is the act of having pre-marital sex with another unmarried person so it usually pertains to someone who is single, however adultery pertains to sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse.

The sin of Adultery is a disastrous reality that has existed and afflicted mankind since the beginning of time. For believers, one of the most well known accounts of adultery recorded in scripture is revealed in the story of King David and his affair with Bathsheba. 2 Sam 11:2-27. Although King David actively pursued Bathsheba, the strange woman in his home, some respected and annointed men of God like King David have fallen victim to the beauty and flattery tongue of the strange woman Prov 6:24-25. And as a result, the annointing of God in their lives was destroyed and sometimes their homes, and in such cases it will take the divine intervention of the Holy Spirit to restore them. There was an incident in the church I was attending a few years ago where a man of God whom I so much respected had been having affairs with the women in the church. He was quite a handsome preacher and 90% of his congregation were women but I just saw the annointing of God on his life and how the Lord was using him mightily. It never occurred to me that such a thing would happen to him and as a result of his succumbing to the flesh, his ministry suffered a terrible blow, marriages were destroyed, for a couple of women he was sleeping with also happen to be married. It was a very unfortunate incident and so brethren, this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed in the church today. We are an adulterous generation.

When adultery taints the purity of the marriage covenant, the road to reconciliation is usually quite difficult especially for the spouse who has been betrayed.

Sadly to say, many christians have skipped the reconciliation process because they find it difficult to forgive their cheating spouses. Decisions of separation and divorce is therefore made in haste out of pain and anger. Can you really blame them? However, we should ask ourselves will this be God’s will for me if I do this? Many have used the famous words of Jesus Christ in Matt 19:9 to justify their decision for divorce but if everyone who has been through the pain of adultery decide to obtain a divorce, how many marriages will truly remain standing? There has to be room for forgiveness. the same scriptures tells us to forgive those who have trespassed against us and also that God hates putting away i.e divorce Mal 2:16. As painful as the betrayal is, an effort at saving the marriage should be made especially a christian union that has been ordained and blessed with children. God’s thoughts towards us are good and not of evil to give us an expected end ( future). Divorce was never in God’s plan for man and therefore it is evil, it is the work and plan of the enemy to destroy marriages especially christian marriages. His only job is to kill, to steal and to destroy, John 10:10.

It pleases the Lord to see the Man and the Woman reconcile because it also causes them to be reconciled back to God as a family. He assures us that he will be with us always even in times of trouble.

Having said all this, we know that rebuilding a relationship is definitely not an easy task for it will take both time and effort on both sides to make it happen. Above all, it will take the grace of God to bring harmony back into the home again.

The first step to rebuilding the marriage is for the adulterer to be willing to repent. he/she must genuinely confess their sins and repent.

The betrayed spouse(victim) must be willing to forgive in order for the healing process to begin.

Couple should seek biblical counseling immediately for it helps both parties to understand why it happened and how to avoid it from happening again.

In addition to counseling, the couple should spend time in prayer seeking God’s face and asking for his grace and power to get them through the tough times.

- The adulterous spouse should be accountable to someone in order for that trust to be rebuilt. Mostly likely he needs to be accountable to his spouse, pastor or counselor.

Based on my own experience of a failed relationship, I would also say that in addition to seeking counseling, talking to a close friend or loved one also helps the healing process.

The Woman of Excellence, Who is She?

Scripture Text: Proverbs 31: 10-31 (Amplified version)
written by Kemi O.

Many christian women including myself strive regularly to be the excellent/ virtuous woman of Proverbs 31.  This chapter in scripture talks about the ideal woman, that godly woman that any husband, child, friend, business partner, employer etc will love to have a relationship with.


To be candid, she is a hard role model to live up to,  but i tell you sisters, it is not impossible to become this "Virtuous and godly woman". I assure you by the power of the Spirit of God which dwells in us today, we can become women of excellence.   Let's take a look at these outstanding traits of an excellent woman described in Proverbs 31:10-30 that has made her to stand out and caused her to excel and rise above all others Prov 31:29. In fact it appears that she even excels above great women of old such as Ruth, Miriam, Deborah, Hannah and even Queen Esther.


Any christian woman who knows and adapts these features in their lives can become an excellent, godly wife and mother.  Her ministry can grow under the nurturing hand of a faithful and loving God for it tells us in II Peter 1:3 that He has called us to His excellence and so it is His desire for us to be excellent women serving Him faithfully and wholeheartedly. Excellent in God's eyes does not mean "perfect"  but it simply means a woman who puts and seeks God first in everything she does and put Him above everything and everyone in her world.  She is a woman who wants to live a life  that pleases the Lord and she ensures that He is at the center of her life (i.e in her home, ministry, marriage, business, work etc).  The book of Proverbs 31 lists all the characteristics/traits of such a woman and how she lives her life for God.


In verse 10, it tells us that the excellent woman is capable, intelligent and virtuous, who is he who can find her?  She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies and pearls...

Now, let us take a look at these 10 traits/qualities that makes the Woman of Excellence.

1.  She is a trustworthy woman , Prov 31:11

 " The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.


For a marriage to be successful, trust is essential, i believe we all agree on that and it does not take a relationship expert to tell us.  The woman of excellence is completely transparent with her husband, she is honest with him at all times regardless of the circumstances.  Her huband's heart is completely at peace because he knows that she will not bring havoc or disgrace upon him and their home.  He can trust her with the affairs of the home when he is not around. He is confident that when he is away from home for business, work, ministry etc, he is sure that she will be faithful to him and the marriage.

As a military spouse, I am prone to hearing a lot of disturbing stories about fellow spouses who commit the act of adultery while their husbands are deployed overseas or nationally. Not only do these women cheat but also make decisions that negatively affect the finances of the home.  It is so sad to see this happen especially in the military and a lot of times when these husbands return home, the marriage is literary in shambles. It is so important for the husband to be able to trust his wife completely, especially in situations where he is on a dangerous mission or in a life threatening situation,  that way he is able to concentrate on staying alive, doing his job well and coming back home in peace to his family and not worrying about what his wife is doing in his absence.


2.  She is a caring, protective and supportive woman, Proverbs 31:12

"She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her."

The woman of excellence is caring, protective and supportive of her husband, she does everything in her power to protect his interests. She lends a listening ear when he wants to talk about what happened in the office whether good or bad.  She is concerned about everything that is important to him and supports him no matter the decision he makes on an issue. She is not an obstacle or hindrance in his life, she is there to support him in his career, business ventures, ministerial work etc.



3.  She is a skillful and industrious woman , Proverbs 31:13-14

"She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands [to develop it].
    ¹⁴She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household's food from a far [country]."



The woman of excellence is skillful, is quite busy, no time for idleness. She works willingly with her hands and does so with a heart of gladness.  She invests in quality items, both food and non-food products that her family needs.

4. She is a hardworking & dedicated woman. Prov 31:15:27
¹⁵She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks.<sup>(E)


 27</sup>She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

The woman of excellence is a dedicated and hardworking woman .  She is an effective manager for she manages her household in an organized and timely manner.  She is not only concerned about her husband and children but also her maid servants under her roof.  She is the first to wake up and begin work and the last to go to bed.  She also ensures that her entire household are well cared for and has no time for idleness.

5. She is a prudent, wise and industrious woman. Prov 31:16:18
 ¹⁶She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.
 ¹⁸She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust].

The woman of excellence is careful and cautious in her spending. She does not do anything in haste without seeking the advise of her husband.  She is then confident that every purchase she makes is valuable to her family and of good quality.

6. She is compassionate, kind and always ready to help.  Prov 31:20
 ²⁰She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].

The woman of excellence is concerned about the needs of the less priviledged in the community. She is always ready to help the poor and the needy in any way possible.  She serves willingly with a kind and loving heart and does this sometimes by volunteering at homeless shelters, local soup kitchens, donations of basic needs as well as monetary gifts to individuals or outreach ministries.  The woman of excellence also is willing to visit the sick in the hospital, prisoners in jail etc.

7.  She is a home maker, Prov 31:21-22
²¹She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet.
    ²²She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made].


The woman of excellence is a home maker.  she creates an atmosphere of warmth of love for her family and guests.   Even in times of difficulties, she is prepared and ready to embrace what comes next in her life and that of her household.

8.  She is respectful and submissive to her husband, Prov 31:23

²³Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

As a result of her godly and virtuous character, the husband of the woman of excellence is  recognized and respected by friends, neighbours, church members etc.

9.  She is clothed with strength from Lord and rejoices all the time, Prov 31:25
                                                
  ²⁵Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!
                                                   
The woman of excellence cannot easily be shaken in times of adversities.  She has no fear of the future because her faith is in the Lord and she knows with Him by her side, she can weather every storm that comes. She does not let anything or anyone steal her joy for in the midst of every storm she has peace and therefore rejoices always in the Lord.

10.  She is a woman of wisdom and counsels with kindness, Proverbs 31:26
 ²⁶She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

When the woman of excellence opens her mouth, she speaks with wisdom. She weighs her words carefully before speaking it out and does so with boldness and gentleness.  She is not easily  intimated and so therefore does not speak to impress anyone regardless of their social status.  When she speaks the truth, she does so with kindness and rebukes in love, she is not judgmental or uncaring with her words.

Prov 31: 28-31

The woman of excellence is a wonderful mother and wife.  She teaches her children the word of God, nurturing them and disciplining them with wisdom and care.  Prov 22:6

She is respectful and submissive to her husband Eph 5:22 and she strives to be supportive in everything that concerns or interests him.  A woman of excellence stands by the decisions her husband makes, however when she sees that the decision may not be in the best interest of the family, she does not argue with him but rather, go to the Lord in prayer seeking counsel and direction on how to handle the situation.  
She is a woman who serves the Lord with all her heart and continually seeks His will for her life each and every day.
She is truly a woman to be praised because she reverently fears the Lord.

Prayer:

Dear Lord, I commit every woman that will read this message and their homes before you this day and I pray that by the power of the Holy Spirit, you will empower them to be women of excellence to be greatly used by you in these last days to do exploits in your name.


Oh Lord bless our marriages, children, careers, ministries, businesses etc and cause us to excel greatly in all that we lay our hands to do in Jesus name. Amen.

The Wise Woman

 

Proverbs 14:1   A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

by Kemi O.

Among women, this is probably one of the most preached verses in scripture.  It is one of those statements in scripture that makes one to think before doing anything that may jeopadize her marriage.

My dear Sisters, we all know that it takes the grace of God for us to maintain our homes.  If you look at the world we live in today, the enemy is really waging war against christian marriages and it is so sad to see how many homes have been broken as a result of so much foolishness.  We, women whether we like it or not, God has given us the responsibility of building our homes, Our home/marriage is our first ministry.
When God created Man in the beginning He said it is not good for man to be alone, I will create a help, meet for him and then He said for this reason a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife and they twain, shall become one flesh. hence, the institution of marriage was created. Gen 2:23-24 and through our marriage, we are suppose to serve God faithfully and wholeheartedly by being godly wives, godly parents, training our children up in the way of the Lord while also building ourselves up spiritually to be used by God in other areas. The reason why satan is seriously attacking the christian home is because the home is an extension of the church of Christ and so when that home is broken, the church becomes spiritually sick and the work of God is immobilized as well as  church growth becomes hindered.

It is clear that one of satan's greatest or ultimate plan is to destroy God's divine plan for mankind by destroying the christian home and that is why the work of the woman in the marriage/home is very vital to God's plan and purpose for His church.

There are at least three ways that it is believed a wise woman can build her home and they are:

1. A wise woman must have the right attitude
2. A wise woman must speak the right words  Proverbs 31:26, 21:9
3. A wise woman must set the right example( be a role model by words and actions).

Before we look at the above listed ways, let us first of all define the word " House" and then relate it with how its used in scripture.

"House" as defined by merriam-webster dictionary is a building that serves as living quarters for one or few families. It is a shelter or refuge of some sort.

However, according to Proverbs 14:1,  Building a "House" here is referring to " the inhabitants i.e the family unit which comprises mostly of the husband, wife and children. It means a wise woman must invest her time, skills and resources given to her by God to take care of her home according to God's will and purpose.

1.  A wise woman must have the right attitude
     Having the right attitude means choosing to be optimistic and have a positive attitude  at all times regardless of the circumstances you are facing at that time.  You really know a woman who possesses the fruit of the Spirit when she is able to be at peace and is consistently joyful in the midst of trials.
In the midst of trials, a wise woman would always find a way to comfort and encourage her family with her positive attitude.

2. A wise woman must speak the right words 
    A wise woman builds her home by the words that she utters. In Proverbs 31:26, it states that "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness." I believe that if you can't say anything nice, it is better not to say anything at all.  I hear cases of women, supposedly godly women, who cannot seem to utter a word of praise or encouragement to their husbands, its always nagging, complaining about everything he does, belittling the man every single day and since there is so much a person can take, what the man is seeking from his wife, he will now seek outside e.g secretary, associate, female friend, old girlfriend etc and at the end of the day who is to blame.  It is a very unwise thing to do and as scripture states " A foolish woman plucketh her house down with her hands by engaging in such behavior.  Solomon in Proverbs 21:9 pretty much sums it up, it states " It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling (conscientious)  woman in a wide house.
Women, we need to watch the way we speak to our husbands and even our children, not just the words we speak but also the tone we use.  Negative, abusive words hurt and destroy people, there is power in the tongue and words do have a lasting effect on people, whether postive or negative words.

My husband recently praised me for being a good wife, It caught me off guard and when i asked him where this was coming from, I mean he always tells me he loves me and everything but the way he praised me not once, but twice in a row, I had to say more than a "Thank you baby" and ask what's up?
He said he had been speaking to a couple of  friends & colleagues who were complaining about how their wives were always unhappy  about everything they did and were never appreciative or content with what their husbands did for them  and then he now started thinking of me and was like 'wow' my wife is not like that at all", and it dawned on him that he has never really voiced his appreciation. He gave an example of if he buys me a gift no matter how small or gives me money for the upkeep of the home, no matter how little, I always say "Thank you"and showed genuine appreciation.  I tell you, it really made me feel good, I never noticed it at all because I felt that His actions of love and kindness towards me was sufficient and that was his way of saying thank you for everything.
 Women, let us endeavour to start praising and encouraging our husbands more for it makes a whole lot of difference in our relationships.

3. A wise woman must set the right example
   A wise woman can greatly improve her marriage and her home by practicing what she preaches, not only should she teach & train her children in the way of the Lord, but she must always live by example, be one to emulate after.  A woman who quarrels or fights with her husband in front of her children is not setting a good example.  Children learn not only by what we teach them but also they are quick to copy what they see and so it is so important for us as women to be conscious of the presence of our children at all times. 

We can also improve our marriage by obeying the instruction of Ephesians 5: 22a and 5:33b. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. The Lord has made the Man our covering/head.  He has given our husbands, the authority over us, while man is under the authority of Christ. We have to obey the laws and principles of God in order to have a successful marriage and home. 
verse 33b" and the wife see that she reverence her husband". If you love your husband, you will not belittle or put him down, you will not disrespect him in any way, you will not go against his will but you will reverence him, respect and honor him through your actions and words. 

We had a Woman of God minister in our local church this past Saturday, very powerful message. and she talked about being "submissive" and gave her testimony on how the Lord had to deal with her before she was finally able to completely submit to her husband. She stated how since the husband is the head of the wife and Christ has authority over the man and so any message from the Lord for the family goes through the Man and that is why it is important for wives to listen to their husbands as well as pray for their husband at all times for spiritual growth. If the husband says, honey I am not comfortable with this decision, let us not take it, and so then we should listen.. she stated that many times her husband had told her not to do something and she did it and suffered the consequences, the revelation did not come until one day the Holy Spirit ministered to her saying.."Listen to your husband" , if your husband is wrong, it is for the Lord to handle him and take action. We have done our part,as the wife by following the order or protocol of God to reverence and submit to him in order for God to answer our prayers which can also be hindered if we do not follow the order of God in relation to being submissive.  Today, this woman of God have been married for about 20 years and she is enjoying her marriage everyday as a result of this change in her attitude.

My dear women, I admonish you to strive to become the "Wise Woman" .  Let us be identified as women of wisdom by our husbands, children, everyone through our actions and words.  Let us no longer give the enemy a foothold over our homes.

A wise woman can be known or identified by the home she keeps i.e A successful, God-fearing, confident and content husband and healthy, God-fearing, intelligent, and respectful children.

A wise woman is identified by her accomplishments in the home and outside the home.  She strives to be disciplined, is productive, hardworking, prudent, hospitable, intelligent, loves the Lord and ready to serve Him at all times with her skills, spiritual gifts and her entire being.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I pray that you will give us the grace to become wise women who build our  homes and let every daughter of zion whose marriage today  have been destroyed out of foolishness be repaired and restored  by you this day in Jesus name.  Amen