Communication with your Husband: Nine Biblical Principles - Part 1

Scripture Text: James 3:8-10

By Martha Peace,

the author of " The Excellent Wife", A Biblical Perspective

Have you ever said something and immediately regretted it? All of us understand what James is talking about when he wrote, "But no one can tame the tongue...from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing.  My brethren, these things ought not to be this way" (James 3:8-10).  What we say and how we say it can hurt others.  Words can crush and pierce people.  Some wounds may never heal.  In marriages, husbands and wives have the potential to hurt each other deeply by the words they say.  Often, couples communicate in unbiblical, ungodly ways.  Instead of love and kindness there is strife, anger, and malice.  Instead of wisdom, there is foolishness.  Instead of careful words, there are careless words.  Again let me express what is on my heart for all of us with what James said"  My brethren, these things ought not to be this way" (James 3:10).

An excellent wife, a godly wife must communicate rightly to her husband if she is going to love, respect, and submit to him as God desires.  In order to accomplish this purpose, I decided to address nine biblical principles regarding a wife's communication to her husband. 

1. A WIFE'S WRONG WORDS BEGIN WITH WRONG THOUGHTS AND MOTIVES.

" For out of the heart come evil thoughts,  murders, adulteries, fornication, thefts, false witness, slanders.  These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.
            Matthew 15: 19-20

" Heart" in Scripture includes a person's thoughts, choices or motives.  Your "heart" is not some emotional part of you that you have no control over.  What you think about is a choice that you make.  The Lord Jesus made the connection clear between what you think and what you speak. "For  the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart" ( Matthew 12:34). Wrong words do begin with wrong thoughts.  If you are saying wrong words, take the time to realize what you are thinking.  The Lord Jesus' standard of holiness is not just outward conformity but inward transformation by what you think.  Renew your mind with Scripture and change your heart.

You renew your mind with Scripture by meditating on Scripture appropriate to the areas of communication you need to improve.  Biblical meditation includes reading the specific Scripture over and over and thinking of ways that you can personally apply it.  For example, if you tend to be impatient towards your husband and "snap" at him, meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4. " Love is patient." Think of ways that you could respond patiently given the same or similar circumstance.  For instance, your husband takes a long time to tell you about an incident at work and you wish he could hurry up.  Think "Love is patient.  I can show love to him by patiently listening until he is finished."  Then, express by your words an interest in his story.  If you do, your right words will have begun with right thoughts.

2.  A WIFE IS ACCOUNTABLE TO GOD FOR EVERY WORD SHE SPEAKS
   
     "And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgement.
                                                              Matthew 12:36-37

God is omniscient.  He knows everything and will not forget anything He desires for us to be holy all the time not just on Sunday mornings.  This is a sobering thought when we consider many "careless" words we probably do speak.  Careless words are "idle, lazy, and useless."  They remind me of the old expression, "Some people talk just to hear themselves talk."  As a Christian you are to take care with your words.  As a wife you are to take extra special care if you are going to demonstrate love, respect, and submission to your husband as God desires.  Realize that God is aware of what you say.  Therefore, you are accountable to Him for your every word.

3.  A WIFE IS TO SPEAK THE TRUTH TO HER HUSBAND, BUT SPEAK IT IN LOVE.
....but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects unto Him, who is the head, even Christ....   Ephesians 4:15

   Speaking the truth is not always easy.  In fact, it may be agonizing.  Sometimes you may have to tell your husband unpleasant truths.  Sometimes it is easier to be deceptive or just avoid issues.  However, in a patient, kind an loving manner, you can tell your husband what he biblically needs to hear.  For instance, imagine that you notice your husband being overly critical of someone else.  it might be more pleasant to just discreetly change the subject, but Jesus said,  "If your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother" (Matthew 18:15).  If you have been reluctant to tell your husband the truth- speak the truth, but do it in love.

4.  A WIFE MUST "PUT OFF" ANY WRONG SPEECH.
        But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from  your mouth.   Colossians 3:8


    Wrong speech is clearly defined in Colossians chapter three.  Anger and wrath are varying kinds of anger.  Anger can express itself in extremes from a slight edge in your voice to screaming, cursing, and full blown wrath.  Malice is meanness, desiring ill towards the other person.  Slander is painting another person in a bad light.  Abusive speech refers to " obscene and derogatory speech intended to hurt and wound someone."

   Sometimes a wife is tempted to use angry, abusive, or even malicious words during emotional days just before her menstruation begins.  Even though control is harder during that time, with God all things are possible ( I Corinthians 10:13).  Work extra hard to think about what you are going to say and to say what is right in spite of how you feel.  Any kind of wrong speech is sin.  Begin by confessing to God each and every time you speak in a wrong manner.  End by replacing those wrong words with the truth spoken in love.  Then you will have laid the wrong speech aside. 

By
Martha Peace,
 the author of " The Excellent Wife, A Biblical Perspective

  
                

Father's Day greetings

Beloved Sisters, as we join our Husbands, Dads, Brothers, Sons, Friends to celebrate Father's day, let us first of all give honor to our Heavenly Father, our Eternal God and King for who He is, appreciating Him for being our Father and our everything, each and every day of our lives.  Let us thank Him for our Husbands, the spiritual leaders of our homes and the father of our Children and also for the other Men in our lives.




May the good Lord continue to strengthen and empower them to be godly fathers and be whom God has called them to be in Jesus name.

Happy Father's day to all our Men.

Recognizing Your Calling

   Romans 12:1, 4--8   
 by Kemi O.

What is your Ministry/Calling?

Beloved, what is your purpose on this earth? 

Why are you really here? I believe like me, that is the question most of us have asked ourselves at one time or the other. 

Well, beloved brethren, I am here to tell you that we are on this earth to serve 

the Lord God, His church and the world at large.God created man in His image and

 for fellowship as we see in the book of Genesis 2 through 4 until the enemy came in

 and destroyed that beautiful fellowship God had with our first parents. He created us 

for Himself to have an intimate relationship with us through praise, worship, 

communication etc. But thanks be to God for a second chance at fellowship with 

the Father, He sent His only Son, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ to restore 

that broken fellowship through His precious blood that was shed for our sakes.

And now, we, believers through the selfless sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

now have a primary ( higher) calling and that is, to serve God using the talents, 

spiritual gifts, strengths etc, He has deposited in us for the propagation of His

 Kingdom. Sisters, aside from our secondary calling as wives and mothers, we

 are called to minister (serve) to God and others in various ways in order to 

fulfil the great commission Mark 16:15-20.

God had called us to be His servants on earth and it is not until we have been

 ordained by man's authority before we know we are called; for the moment

 we make the decision to follow Christ, we are instantly called to ministry. At first,

 we may not know what our ministry or role is in the body of Christ but over the 

course of our journey, it will be revealed to us. However, its quite unfortunate that

 many have died without realizing what their actual calling was.

There are so many believers today that are not doing what God has called them 

to do. Although, they are still serving in their various local assemblies or in

 para-churches etc, they are not doing what He has purposed for them to do. 

For example, you have individuals who are called to serve as teachers of the word,

 but instead are busy pastoring churches. There is nothing wrong with been 

available to serve in other areas of ministry in which you have skills or talents, 

should the need arise, but do it bearing in mind that this is not your God given 

ministry and so therefore not lose focus. So many including myself, have fallen 

into this situation and became so overwhelmed with the work or assignment 

especially in our local churches that we become ineffective and lose interest quickly.

We need to find out what God specifically has called us to do and do it well, 

for at the end of our race, we are going to stand before God and give account 

of our lives, what we did, and how we utilized the resources and gifts He had 

given to us. It is important to remember that our obedience to God will be weighed

 on that great day and that is what we are going to give account for and not our

 sacrificial good works 1 Sam 15:22 " To obey is better than sacrifice." The spiritual

 gifts and talents that God deposited in us is aligned with the ministry He has called

 us into. We were fearfully and wonderfully made by God and so we know he carefully

 took His time to mold us and fill us with what will help to serve Him effectively 

Psalm 139:14.

I believe at the time of conception, our talents (natural gifts) i.e music, creativity, etc

 were given to us and then when we became born again, He now deposited and 

assigned spiritual gifts to each of us and so having said this, I encourage you to

 trust God for your life, your calling, trust him who fashioned you, to sustain you

 in the ministry He has called you to, because He has equipped you with everything 

you will ever need to fulfil your individual ministry and purpose.

How do you know when you are already fulfilling your purpose?

I believe you know when you are operating in your ministry or calling when 

you go through trials or difficulties and you still remain standing. Nothing or no 

one can uproot you from where God has positioned you for by His strength you are

 able to complete the race set before you.

Do you ever wonder why some churches close down before they even reach their

 second or third year anniversary? A lot of times, they are not where the Lord has 

called them to be. It appears everyone wants to pastor a church but God has called

 them into other areas of service. So many times, I have seen servants of God starting

 churches which eventually crumble or remain stagnant for years and yes, it may not

 necessarily be because they are not positioned in the right area of ministry but who 

is to say, that is not the reason. I have heard of some who actually know the Lord has

 called them to be teachers, evangelists, or missionaries in the field, but refused to 

obey for one reason or the other and stay where they are, some times it could because 

of the monetary benefits they are receiving as a Pastor but beloved, this is sheer 

disobedience to God and there are consequences as we know for knowingly 

disobeying God.

Brethren, I encourage you today to be confident in God's choice for you, in John 15:16 ,

 He states that He is the one who does the choosing and not us. It is only Him who

 understands why He has chosen us for our particular ministry and so you have to 

trust him to see you through by His grace.

In conclusion, I will ask again " What is your ministry" Your specific purpose here

 on earth" Are you called to be a Children's Sunday School Teacher, Pastor, 

Evangelist, Administrator, Counselor, Music Minister, Helps/Welfare Coordinator etc ?

Do you have a vision or dream that you are yet to fulfil and you believe the Lord

 has given you this vision? If yes to these questions, pursue it with all your heart

 knowing the Lord has equipped you with the resources, gifts, skills that is required 

to fulfil your vision and ministry.

If you would like to know what your spiritual gifts may be, click on this helpful link below to take a spiritual gift analysis test so that you can begin to prepare your self for God's work using the gifts He has given you.  You are welcome to share this information or link with friends, family, members of your local church or fellowship etc.
http://www.churchgrowth.org/cgi-cg/gifts.cgi